Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Now I’m doing time
‘Cause I fell on black days
I fell on black days
Whomsoever I’ve cured, I’ve sickened now
And whomsoever I’ve cradled, I’ve put you down
I’m a search light soul they say
But I can’t see it in the night
I’m only faking when I get it right
When I get it right
Well, hello there! It’s been a while, I know… and I’m sorry. Genuinely. I’ve missed doing photos for all of you amazing people out there, but the fact of the matter is, my mental health hasn’t been the best over the last few months. Yes, I know the old encouragement to ‘use it’ when it comes to art and, while I enjoy taking darker photos, I prefer to be in control of that darkness, and there must always be some light. Especially when I’m attempting to highlight one of my sponsors incredible creations. If I’d pushed myself to continue keeping the blog up to date over these past couple of months, I don’t believe I would’ve been capable of much light at all.
At the end of the day, I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. You see, I’m autistic with a comorbidity of ADD and depression, and when people with such conditions go through a really rough time, something called ‘executive dysfunction’ often rises to dominate everything in their lives. What’s a relatively easy thing for most other individuals often becomes an impossibility for us. I can’t even begin to count the amount of times I got set up for a shot and then simply… sat here. I couldn’t find the right angle, couldn’t see the image in my mind as I usually do, couldn’t even coax myself to get it done with the thought of personal rewards. I would literally just sit here, fiddle with it for a few minutes, then tear everything down. Of course, I’d promise myself that tomorrow, TOMORROW would be the day that I finally got my next shot done… but then tomorrow would roll around and I just… couldn’t.
Depression is a very real, very unpleasant thing. It can occasionally be triggered by something most people would view as small, and (even medicated), it can sometimes last… as long as it lasts. Because of this, I’m genuinely unable to say that I’m definitely out of the woods again, and will be indefinitely. But I CAN say that after the last couple of months of struggling to function, even on the most basic level, I’m feeling more myself than I have in quite some time.
I would like to take a moment to thank my sponsors for their patience. Especially for Loki, the blogger manager over at Nefekalum for reaching out to me and allowing me to take a full month of vacation time without any hesitation. I am incredibly lucky to be sponsored by incredible content creators that can comprehend the occasional fragility of mental health, as well as the often long and rocky road one must take if they hope to get back to ‘normal’.
I would also like to thank everyone on Flickr that’ve continued to fave my pics and follow me, despite the time I’ve spent in the dead zone. I know that sometimes SL can feel like it’s moving at a much faster pace than RL, and the fact that I was still gaining new followers, that people were still showing support in their own silent and possibly even completely unaware, fashion, really meant the world to me. Those little notifications on Flickr were a bright patch during a very unpleasant time, and I was constantly bowled over by those who took the time to go through my photos, even the older ones, and drop me a little star even though, due to my lack of hiatus notification, it likely looked as though I was simply… gone.
Lastly, I would like to thank my incredible, unflappable, partner, Naelbse. They have put up with my absence in SL for the last couple of months and stood by me throughout, putting up with me on Discord when I couldn’t bring myself to log in anywhere else. They have been a constant companion through these past months, and a regular source of unjudgmental love and support. I often wonder what it is I’ve done to deserve them, especially after everything that’s happened in this past year, but I am eternally grateful for the fact that no matter my state, they accept it with open arms and words of love and encouragement.
So, thank you all. For your patience, your kindness, your acceptance. Whether intentional or otherwise, outspoken, or quiet. It has genuinely meant the world to me.
Now, on to what you’re actually here for.
Hair
- DOUX – Ethan hairstyle
Body Parts
- LeLUTKA Skyler Head
- [LEGACY] Meshbody (m)
- Fantasy Bento B.O.M. Ears Pack I&II (With Earrings) + {Aii} – VIP Group Gift!
Boots & Wings
- cinphul // merkuri [boots] & [wings]
Tattoo
- Nefekalum Tattoos – Thisbe – Available only at Enchantment until May 31st!
Darkly Dreaming Digital 